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The Wait is Over

Sunday February 7, 2010

After a year’s wait, you finally strike—it’s yours.  But once you get home, you discover that it’s nothing—nothing—like you thought it’d be.

Her Mom dropped a waffle on her plate, but Sarah barely noticed.  Only part of her was at the table.  She could feel her brother’s elbow demanding the syrup and her Dad’s voice rung in her ears, but she had no idea what he was talking about.  It didn’t matter.  Nothing mattered now.

She had waited her whole life to feel like a girl and now that she had acted like one, she wished that she hadn’t.  Dressed for church and safely within the loud orbit of her family, she could almost believe that she hadn’t gone through with it.  Sarah McEachern, faster than anyone in three counties on a track and captain of the basketball team, had had sex with Tommy Walker.  It wasn’t even a date, it was a science project.

Tommy was measuring the Borax in the cup they had found in front of his Mother’s bottle of Captain Morgan when she decided to do it.  The cup clattered noisily on the tile, but that was ok because it was plastic and Tommy’s parents had gone to the movies.  Once Sarah had kissed him, Tommy had taken care of the rest.  At least that was something that she was glad about.  Something that had gone the way she had hoped.  Tommy had a lot of experience with girls. It was the main reason she had picked him.  They hadn’t even left the kitchen.  She had lost her virginity on weird green 70’s linoleum that Tommy’s Mom was always complaining about, but never changing.

Now, she just wanted to forget about the whole thing.  If she squinched her eyes and really concentrated, her little sister’s demands for Elmo could probably drown out the echoes in her head but her Mom would certainly notice that.  Acting like a mental patient was not the way to go; that would just get her the worried Mom look and lots of questions.  She didn’t want lots of questions, she had too many of her own.

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